THE DEAD MEN : BACK IN BUSINESS !
by kali-necrosis
Summary: My first fanfiction! Set in the Skulduggery Pleasant World. The Dead Men have all moved in with Valkyrie after being reformed, and they're available for hire. Will feature new and old enemies, awkward moments, the mischief they get up to, funny scenes and a LOT of different pairings. Set after The Dying Of The Light but certain characters are still alive... please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone!**

**Okay, so this is my first fanfiction, I'll try to update as often as possible ****J**

**My inspiration came from Deadgirl19 x**

**This is set after TDOTL but with my own exceptions:**

** *All of the Dead Men are still alive/are loyal (Ghastly, Dexter, Saracen, Anton, Erskine)**

***Grand Mage is Mr Bliss**

***Darquesse and Lord Vile will not surface and are permanently gone**

** *Valkyrie is somehow 25**

**Please read and review! Criticism, tips and requests welcome (:**

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**Chapter 1**

"SKULDUGGERY!" Valkyrie yelled standing at the end of the stairs. "Pick a freaking hat and let's go!"

He entered the room wearing one of his many hats, perched perfectly over his skull. "One can never look to good while seeing friends," he said and Valkyrie rolled her eyes.

"They all look the same anyway," she muttered.

Skulduggery tilted his head, looking at her questionably. "Valkyrie, you seem a little too excited, I mean, we are just seeing all the Dead Men…"

"Yes, yes I know but we haven't seen them in forever!"

"Is there someone in particular you want to see there, hmm?"

Valkyrie laughed then smiled, "No not at all really, I'm just looking forward to seeing them all and catching up." She started walking to the door, "Now get your bony ass in the car before I really get mad."

Skulduggery put his hands up in defence, "I'm moving, I'm moving," he said as he followed Valkyrie and left the house.

Valkyrie stood outside the car door nd looked over at Skulduggery. "Am I ever going to be allowed to drive the Bentley?"

Skulduggery laughed and shook his head, "We both know what happened last time I let you," he said and winced at the memory. "My poor baby was gone for a week."

"Oh get over yourself, it was JUST a dint, it didn't even need fixing," she said and looked up at Skulduggery.

"Nevertheless, the answer is still, and will always be, no."

Skulduggery opened the car door and got in; Valkyrie sighed and slid in as well.

"Do you even know the address Skul?"

"Of course I know the address, this brain of mine doesn't tend to forget things," Skulduggery said and tapped his empty skull.

"You do know it's just air up there?"

He sighed and looked at her, "Believe it or not Val, that was in fact actually the joke." Skulduggery shook his head and drove off.

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The Bentley pulled neatly into a park, attracting a lot of funny looks from passer byers, and even more when a young dark-haired girl and a man completely covered and tightly bundled got out.

"You know you could've just used the façade…" Valkyrie muttered at Skulduggery.

"I know, but I just wasn't feeling it today."

Valkyrie sighed and walked into the café. She spotted the group straight away, not only were they the loudest group there but they all got up as soon as they saw Skulduggery and Valkyrie enter and called them over.

Valkyrie ran over to them all, unable to contain her excitement while Skulduggery casually walked to them, always the professional.

Valkyrie went around individually hugging them all, and their excitement to see her was just as evident.

"Wow Val, you've changed a lot," Dexter said, looking her up and down.

"Yeah Val, you're looking hot," Saracen agreed and looked her up as well.

Valkyrie blushed and looked down, embarrassed by the sudden compliments.

"Valkyrie, you look as beautiful as always," Anton said and smiled at her reassuringly.

She smiled at him and Ghastly changed the topic, "Now, who's shouting?"

Everyone laughed and looked expectantly at Skulduggery.

"Don't you even think about it, I can't even eat nor drink but just because I'm the best off I get to pay?" Skulduggery scowled and crossed his arms, "You pay for what you get."

Valkyrie laughed "I'll pay, it's all good."

Everyone immediately looked uncomfortable.

"No Val, it's okay we are all more than happy to pay for ourselves," Ravel said and looked at the others, who all nodded.

"No really, I'm more than happy to, Gordon did leave me a whole lot of money." Valkyrie said and called the waiter over. They all said what they were drinking and the waiter left.

"This is good, you know, the whole of the Dead Men being together again," Dexter said and looked at everyone, "I miss the good ol' days, fighting side by side, kicking ass and being awesome."

They all laughed and then Valkyrie looked up, after an idea having popped in her mind. "I just had an idea, why don't we start up Dead Men properly again? I mean, Skulduggery and I aren't really the official detectives of the Sanctuary anymore so we are kind of out of a job…and this would be so much better! We can work off the books, working our own hours for whoever hires us for lots and lots of money."

Everyone was quiet for a moment, thinking it over when Ghastly spoke up, "That's actually a really good idea, we were known as an elite group of mages back then. I'm sure we'd get lots off business off it."

By the nods of everyone heads they all seemingly agreed.

"But, there have to be some conditions," Skulduggery said. "First off, we will assess the situation of anyone who hires us and we will not work for the 'bad guys'. And finally, we will split up all money earned between the members who were assigned the task evenly."

Everyone murmured their agreements. The waiter came back with the drinks, and afterwards everyone cheered to the idea of the Dead Men being back in business.

"Hey, to make it really fun and professional, why don't we all stay at Gordon's, I mean my, mansion and use it as our headquarters? There's enough rooms for everyone and big basement which we can use for a training room." Valkyrie suggested.

"That would work," Dexter said, nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, and then we'll all be close together," Saracen said and winked at Valkyrie.

_Was he just flirting with me?_ Valkyrie thought with confusion at Saracen's remark.

"Okay so how about this, we'll all meet at Valkyrie's house tomorrow at around 10am?" Skulduggery asked the group.

"Yeah, sounds good. Remember everyone to pack clothes and stuff cause be the looks of it you're going to be practically moving in with me…" Valkyrie said and a thought came to her mind, _So, let me get this straight. I am going to be living with five hot men and an annoying charming skeleton? I could so use this to my advantage…_

After many conversations and jokes the group finished up, Valkyrie paid and they all said goodbye and went their separate ways. Skulduggery and Valkyrie got in the car and Skulduggery drove off.

"Who's house are you staying at tonight? Mine or yours?" Skulduggery asked.

"Well, I was thinking that we could both stay at my house and maybe quickly clean up and get the rooms ready?"

"Sounds good to me."

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They got home and cleaned up the house, readying the beds and rooms for tomorrow. After a while they finally finished and Valkyrie got ready for bed.

"G'night Skul."

"Good night Valkyrie."

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**Thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Please review with any tips or requests xx**

**~ Kali Necrosis**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! **

**I'll be updating at least once every three days as I'm on holidays at the moment but when I go back to school it may be once every week**

**This is a shortish chapter I've been wanting to write for ages so here goes**

**Please review as often as you can as it really helps me know what you guys want to see and any criticism and tips are welcome (:**

**Also random thing I'll be using the row of 'xxxxxx' as line breakers as mine aren't working ):**

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**Chapter 2**

(Valkyries POV)

"Mmmmmmmm," Valkyrie grumbled, her head face down into her pillow. She turned her phone on, the high brightness level momentarily blinding her eyes. She looked at the time which read '10:56' and moaned, knowing she had to get up. Valkyrie rubbed her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. She was only wearing underwear, tiny lacy black panties with a matching black bra. She shrugged; knowing it was only her at home so didn't need to change. Valkyrie walked out the door, heading into the kitchen to get her coffee fix so she could think straight.

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(General POV)

"Should we be getting her up soon? I mean, she did tell us 10am?" Anton asked, sitting on Valkyries couch in the lounge room.

"Yeah, we've been waiting for nearly an hour," Saracen mumbled and Ravel grunted in agreement

"Trust me, you do _not _want to be the one to wake Valkyrie up," Skulduggery said while shaking his skull.

"Or let alone _talk _to her before she gets some coffee into her." Ghastly said, agreeing with Skulduggery comment.

They all looked up as they heard someone coming down the stairs and what they saw was not what was quite expected.

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(Valkyries POV)

Valkyrie stumbled down the stairs into the living room and was about to turn into the kitchen when she heard numerous wolf-whistles coming from the lounge room.

She stopped in her tracks and froze as she saw the men who were sitting in her living room.

"Oh. Shit," Valkyrie swore and tried to cover herself up, failing miserably.

_Oh god oh god let this be a dream_, Valkyrie thought to herself whilst looking at her friends. They were all staring at her, mostly her chest, legs and stomach. Valkyries face reddened and she looked down.

_Thank god I wore good underwear to bed… _she thought and looked back up at the men who were _still_ staring.

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(Valkyries POV)

Saracen was looking at Valkyrie and winked suggestively at her and then his eyes rested on Valkyries chest. _Damn, I knew she was hot but I never realised she was _this _hot…_

Erskine was checking out Valkyrie as well, taking in her full figure and staring obviously at her toned, slender legs. _I could so go for that type of girl…though Skulduggery would kill me…but I would be worth it…_

Dexter couldn't help it. He was staring, full on staring at Valkyrie. She was like a younger sister to him but with the underwear she was wearing, he was _not _thinking of her as a sister at the moment. _She's got an amazing body, fit, toned and round in all the right places…_

Anton and Ghastly were trying to deliberately avert their eyes from Valkyrie as to them it was just wrong for them to be staring at her, though admittedly they were stealing a couple of glances across at her, as it was just so tempting for them.

Skulduggery on the other hand though, you couldn't really tell where he was staring but he was staring at one thing and one thing only, Valkyrie. _I know I'm her partner, and 400 years old, but… she is so damn hard to resist…_

Valkyrie cleared her throat at them all.

"Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer?" She said sarcastically at the men.

Saracen and Erskine immediately took out their phones and were about to take a photo when Valkyrie shrieked and ran off.

"I was joking goddammit!" Valkyrie yelled and heard sounds of slaps and protests as she ran up the stairs to her room.

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**Did you like that? Want more of that, less of that?**

**Review and let me know!**

**~ Kali Necrosis **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone!**

**First of all some responses to reviews:**

**Deadgirl19: thanks so much, I wasn't joking or exaggerated at all when I said you were my inspiration, I had been thinking about writing a fanfic for ages but it was your stories that finally convinced me to, I have no idea why (probably cause they were so darn good) but I decided that night to give it a try (:**

**Guest (Skyla): hahahah I know right that what I was trying to get across at, they may be her friends, but they forget all about that when they see something even slightly suggestive. And thank you so much, I completely agree with the thing you mentioned though…**

**Anyways, here's the next chapter! Please read and review! Criticism, tips and requests welcome (:**

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**Chapter 3**

After a while of Valkyrie staying embarrassed in her room, there was a knock on her door. Skulduggery entered the room and sat next to her on her bed.

"Still sulking?" Skulduggery asked, putting his arm around Valkyrie.

She swatted it away and put her face in her hands, "More like sitting in here absolutely embarrassed and mortified," she moaned into her hands.

"Well, you shouldn't be, I mean, your body is something which you have _nothing_ to be embarrassed about…" Skulduggery said nodding approvingly then paused. "Did I just say that out loud..?"

Valkyrie looked up, "What are you trying to get at here Skul?" She said with a playful smile on her face. Skulduggery got up and stammered, trying to cover his butt with the statement he just said.

"I mean, well what I meant was...ugh," Skulduggery tried to explain and instead shook his skull and started to head towards the door.

"Skulduggery Pleasant, are you trying to say what I think you're saying?" Valkyrie teasingly asked at Skulduggery as she got up and started to walk over to him.

"Valkyrie Cain, that mind of yours does not know what it is doing half the time and the other half it's turning innocent statements like mine into dirty sexual ones," Skulduggery said and Valkyrie laughed at the accuracy of his comment. "Anyways, all I came up to say is that you should come back downstairs and act like nothing happened."

Valkyrie laughed at Skulduggery's awkwardness and followed him out of the room.

"Don't worry Skul, I know what you really mean," Valkyrie said and elbowed him in the ribs after winking at him. She started to walk down the stairs as Skulduggery stood there, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Hey Val! I think I'm the embarrassed one now!" Skulduggery yelled after Valkyrie and headed after her down the stairs.

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"She's alive!" Dexter said and came up to hug Valkyrie with a sheepish grin on his face. She hugged him back and all awkwardness was gone.

"Hey you know Val, we were thinking that you should totally wear underwear around the house more often," Saracen said and winked at her suggestively.

"Hey you know Saracen, I was thinking that maybe we should just completely forget about this whole thing and move on?" Valkyrie said back in retort.

Ghastly and Anton murmured their agreements while Dexter, Ravel and Saracen pouted and looked down miserably.

Valkyrie flopped down on the couch in between Saracen and Dexter and finally got comfortable when the doorbell rang. She got up, letting out an exasperated sigh and headed to door.

'Goddammit...freaking…key…won't…turn," Valkyrie mumbled and let out an irritated and unintelligent sound. "Skulduggery! The stupid key isn't turning and I can't open the door!"

"Have you tried turning it the other way?" Skulduggery calmly asked back.

"Yes of course I tried turning it the other – oh."

"Did it work?"

"….yes."

Valkyrie finally yanked open the door and smiled instantly at the visitor. "Mr Bliss! I wasn't expecting you to be here!"

"Well I had some few issues I needed to cover with you and Skulduggery, may I come in?" Mr Bliss asked Valkyrie.

"Yeah of course, come in, oh and sorry about the whole thing with the door…" Valkyrie said awkwardly and Mr Bliss smiled.

"We all have our awkward moments Valkyrie,"

They started heading towards the lounge room when Valkyrie remembered a question she'd been meaning to ask. "Hey Mr Bliss, I've got a really random question which probably isn't relevant in anyway at all, but I'm going to ask it anyway. Do you even have a first name?"

Mr Bliss laughed, something which Valkyrie didn't see him often do. "I actually don't. When I was choosing my taken name I couldn't think of a first name which suited my personality, so I decided on just going with a last name."

"The name Mr Bliss does suit you though; it is a pretty intimidating name."

They entered the lounge room and Skulduggery got up as soon as he saw Mr Bliss and walked over to meet him.

"Mr Bliss, or should I say, Grand Mage Bliss, what brings you here on this fine afternoon?" Skulduggery asked.

"First of all, please just call me my usual name." Mr Bliss said almost irritably. "And as to why I am here, mind if we take this somewhere else?" He said and motioned to the kitchen.

They followed him in to the kitchen and Valkyrie hopped up on the bench as Skulduggery leaned against the wall.

"There have been quite a few murders recently in Roarhaven and surrounding towns and all victims have been found in the same way, to put it simply, decapitated. And by a few murders, I mean there have been 37 in three days. Due to the violent nature of the crime, I want the best detectives I know on the case and back to working full time at the Sanctuary."

Skulduggery pondered the request while Valkyrie got off the bench.

"Won't the same issues that got us 'fired' in the first place cause issues again?" asked Valkyrie.

"Well, Madame Mist has been removed from the Board of Elders and subsequently, that issue doesn't really remain. And, it was honestly such a stupid issue, what even caused you to hurt her? She, and you, never told the full story."

"Well, it's a long story. What happened was I was in a room alone with her and I was really bored, hungry and slightly creeped out by her spiders so I tried to engage in small talk with her to pass some time. I guess I said the wrong things to her cause she got really pissy…. The conversation went somewhat like this:

** * Me: **So…what does it require to be a Child of the spider?

**Madam Mist:** …

**Me:** Do you have to like do initiation tests? Like how many spiders you can swallow then barf out?

**Madam Mist: **The secrets of the Children of the Spider are not to be shared with outsiders.

**Me:** Oh. Okay.

(2 minutes of awkward silence)

**Me:** Wait a minute… if you're a _child _of the spider then that would mean your parents are spiders…so are you guys like spiders with a façade of human skin?

**Madam Mist:** Don't push me Valkyrie.

**Me:** Oh god…. So that would mean two spiders did the dirty and 4 weeks later you came out? That doesn't even make sense, yet it seems…so true.

**Madam Mist:** Valkyrie, I'm warning you.

**Me:** I truly feel for you, I can't imagine how awkward it must've been introducing people to your parents… or parent-teacher interviews…or presents, I mean what present do you get for a spider? A laptop so they can find the best _web-_sites? *

"And yeah… after that she kinda tried attacked me, so I may have beat her up... And then _I_ got in trouble for abusing an Elder…" Valkyrie finished off and looked over at Skulduggery and Mr Bliss, who was standing there confused.

"They_ were_ serious questions though…" Valkyrie said.

"Anyways…" Skulduggery said, trying to bring the conversation away from Valkyries immature behaviour. "We've started up the Dead Men again, so if you wanted to hire us, it'd have to cost you. But for you, of course, you'd get a discount."

"How much are we talking here?" Mr Bliss asked.

"Well for the cost of Valkyrie and I, around €600. But it's negotiable," Skulduggery replied.

"Okay then. €500."

"€575."

"€525"

"€550."

"Done. Payment will be half now, half when you're done."

Skulduggery and Mr Bliss shook hands and the deal was made.

"When do we start?" Valkyrie asked Mr Bliss.

"Preferably in two days, maximum." Mr Bliss replied

"We'll get started in two days then," Skulduggery said.

They said their goodbyes and Mr Bliss left. As soon as he had gone, Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie, "Did you seriously ask those questions to Madam Mist?"

"Yeah..."

"Then beat her up?"

"Yeah…"

"I think I'm in awe of you right now," Skulduggery said, giving Valkyrie a high-five then walking off.

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**Whew..,.that was a long one…  
Was it too long or do you want ones longer? Please review and let me know!**

**~pleasantlycain**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey hey!**

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed and some responses are below:**

**Deadgirl19: I'll definitely include their reaction in this chapter and I should've put that in! That would have been so funny!**

**Berlin: sure can do, I'll include that in the next chapter ;) and reading while trying not to laugh cause I'm meant to be sleeping is literally my whole life, I've had to stuff my face into the pillow numerous times ahah**

**Guest: yep I've read most of those conversations before, and I never liked Madam Mist either so I was dying to try to fit it that scene :D**

** .books.123: I hate her as well! Honest those questions are the exact same ones I would've asked her if I was Valkyrie…**

**Okay now that that's done, here's Chapter 4! Sorry I took a while, I've been really busy at the moment and haven't had time ¯\\_(****ツ****)_/¯ my bad… but as an apology I gave you an extra-long one (:**

**Please read and review! Tips, criticism and requests welcome (:**

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**Chapter 4**

Valkyrie followed Skulduggery into the living room and sat back down onto the couch, hoping she wouldn't have to get up for a while.

Skulduggery sat himself down in his favourite armchair, still shaking his head in awe at Valkyrie.

"Has Valkyrie told you the story of what got her fired?" Skulduggery asked.

"Nah, she won't tell us anything. All I know is that her and Madam Mist had a bit of a disagreement," Dexter replied.

"Well it must've been a pretty big disagreement in order for her to fire you," Anton said.

"Shall I tell them or would you like the honour?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie.

Valkyrie sighed and told them the story. By the end Dexter, Ravel and Saracen were rolling on the floor clutching their stomachs, Ghastly and Anton couldn't hold in their laughter and Skulduggery was applauding her.

"The funny thing is, Madam Mist didn't deny any of them!" Saracen said in between laughter.

"Aww, you should have asked her why her face is always covered, I swear she ain't got one," Ravel said to Valkyrie who nodded in agreement.

After they had all calmed down and stopped laughing, Dexter remembered an idea he'd been thinking of.

"Hey, I was thinking, there's apparently a really good nightclub opened up, and we should go to celebrate the reforming of the Dead Men?"

"That would be so much fun! We should definitely do it," Valkyrie said nodding her head.

"I'm up for it, haven't had a good drink in a while now." Saracen said.

Everyone else agreed and Valkyrie was clapping her hands in excitement.

"Do you want to do it tonight?" Ravel asked.

"Yep, its 4pm at the moment, leave at say 8?" Ghastly suggested.

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…(Skip forward to 7pm)…

(Valkyrie POV)

Valkyrie peeled herself off the couch while grunting. "I should probably start getting ready now," she said to the men as they looked at her. "But record whatever movie it is that's on the TV, I'll finish watching it later."

She trudged up the stairs and walked into her bathroom, shutting the door behind her. She had a quick shower, washed her hair and shaved her legs then headed into her bedroom. Valkyrie decided to start on her makeup first, putting on a little foundation while highlighting her face. She did minimal eye shadow that made her eyes stand out, and then topped it off eyeliner and mascara. She then blow-dried her hair, straightening it then slightly curling the ends.

Valkyrie opened her wardrobe and started going through her dresses, finally deciding on one. She chucked on a push-up bra and some matching underwear before pulling on the dress and admired herself in the mirror. The dress was super tight, black and slightly low cut with a sheer lace long sleeved arms, which also covered the dress. It finished halfway up her thigh and left little to the imagination. (To get a better picture, on google type up 'black lace mini dress' and it's second one). She put on some black strappy stilettos, brushed her teeth and applied some red lipstick.

"Valkyrie! Its 8:05, hurry up!" Skulduggery called up the stairs.

"I'm coming! Just wait a minute!" Valkyrie said and grabbed her phone, I.D and money and slipped it in her purse. She walked out of her room and started walking down the stairs.

Skulduggery looked up at her and froze. "Valkyrie…you look…wow."

Valkyrie smiled and kept walking. She felt hot, and she knew she looked it. She headed in to the lounge room where the rest were sitting and all conversation stopped when they saw her.

Erskine wolf whistled and checked her out, while Dexter nodded approvingly while looking at her chest and legs.

"Valkyrie, you look so hot!" Saracen said and went over to hug her, his hand slowly creeping down to her butt, where it lingered for a second. She pulled out of the hug, blushing slightly.

"Valkyrie, you look very nice," Anton said and Ghastly agreed.

Valkyrie could see every man in the room staring at her, almost more so then the whole episode with the underwear and she secretly loved the attention they were giving her.

Skulduggery cleared his throat to the rest of the men. "Are you going to stand her all day checking out Valkyrie or shall we actually go to this club?"

Ghastly and Anton shook their heads and looked away while Ravel, Dexter and Saracen ignored Skulduggery and kept staring at Valkyrie.

"Let's go Valkyrie," Skulduggery said and grabbed her arm, leading her outside were they were alone. "Valkyrie, watch out. Either Saracen or Ravel are going to try to seduce you sooner or later, and with what happened this morning and what you're wearing now, it looks as though it will most likely happen tonight. Now I have nothing against them, except for the fact that they will leave you straight after."

Valkyrie looked up at him and shrugged. "Eh, I'm sure nothing will happen and if it does, I'll just stop them, then and there."

Ghastly, Anton, Ravel, Dexter and Saracen joined them outside.

"What car are we taking?" Ghastly asked Skulduggery.

"I was thinking we'll just take your van and I'll drive, since no doubt by the end of the night you'll all be drunk and unable to even walk."

"Okay, but who's sitting where?"

"We'll stick the mature ones in the front, and immatures in the back," Skulduggery said and straight away Valkyrie, Saracen, Dexter and Ravel headed to the back without hesitation.

"Well that settles that," Ghastly said.

As soon as Valkyrie sat down she struggled to find a good sitting position. Legs crossed meant that the dress rode up and her butt was slightly exposed but legs uncrossed meant everyone had a clear view of her underwear. She crossed her legs and sighed, knowing it was going to be a long trip.

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After a 15 minute trip which consisted of Valkyrie being stared and ogled at by Saracen, Erskine and Dexter they finally arrived at the nightclub, the loud music having been heard miles away. Valkyrie got up and started to exit the van, when Ravel jumped out of the van and extended his hand up to Valkyrie to help her down.

"That was very gentleman like of you," Valkyrie said as she stood down from the van.

"I may be all tough, but I'm always a gentleman at heart."

Valkyrie laughed and the rest joined them.

"The music's quite loud, wasn't like this back in my day." Skulduggery said as he looked at the nightclub.

"C'mon Skul, loosen up! We're all here to have a good time!" Valkyrie said to him.

He sighed and loosened his tie. "Fine."

"Hey Skul?" Valkyrie asked.

"Yes Valkyrie?"

"Unless you plan on scaring everyone out of the club, I would activate that façade of yours…"

"Oh yes, that would be smart."

The seven of the headed towards the club and the bouncer glanced at their I.D's then opened the door for them to enter. The club was dark but was lit alight by neon lights bouncing along the walls and the stage, where a DJ stood with his turntable, mixers and huge speakers. The stage extended along into a thin runway, with the occasional person standing up and dancing on it, raised above the crowd. The music pounded out and it was hard to hear anything else but the loud music. The dance floor was filled with people, dancing, grinding and making out.

"Okay! So the bar over there," Dexter yelled, pointing across the room. "And for now we can take a seat at one of the tables and get some drinks!"

Dexter started to head over and the rest followed him, struggling a bit to get through the mass of bodies. They picked a table with two long leather couches on either side, and sat down with Valkyrie in the middle next to Skulduggery and Ravel, and on the other side sat Anton, Ghastly, Dexter and Saracen.

"Do you want me to go get some drinks?" Valkyrie asked the group.

Everyone agreed and gave her money after saying what they'd be drinking. Valkyrie got up when Ravel jumped up after her.

"I'd better give you a hand in carrying them," Ravel said and winked at her.

"I'm sure I could manage but sure, if you want." Valkyrie said smiling and headed towards the bar.

Valkyrie ordered the drinks while Ravel leant against the bar and looked at her.

"Whatcha staring at?" Valkyrie asked him.

"You. You look so pretty tonight."

"So I don't usually look pretty? Jeez thanks." Valkyrie jokingly said.

"Babe, you always look stunning but tonight more so then usual."

Valkyrie blushed slightly and looked at him suggestively, "Erskine Ravel, are you flirting with me?"

"What would you say if I said yes?" He asked and leaned in to her, but was stopped when the bartender cleared his throat.

"Your drinks." The bartender said and put a tray on the bench.

Valkyrie thanked him and picked up the tray and headed to table. She tilted the tray once or twice, but Ravel was always there to steady her. She arrived back at the table, handed out the drinks and sat back down with her cocktail.

"Skulduggery, are you going to drink at all?" Ghastly asked.

"I haven't drunken anything, let alone alcohol, in about 300 years and I don't fancy starting now"

"Oh my gosh imagine Skulduggery drunk! That would be golden," Valkyrie said and everyone laughed in agreement.

"I did get a brandy for you just in case…" Valkyrie said to him.

"How did you know my favourite drink was a brandy?" Skulduggery asked

"I remember you mentioning it I think…plus all old guys like brandies."

"I'm glad to know you think of my as an old man Valkyrie..."

"Doesn't everyone?" Ghastly said.

"Like you can speak, you're the exact same age as me!"

Ghastly shrugged, "I don't look it."

Valkyrie sighed, knowing this banter would go on forever. "Anyways, please just have _one_ drink." Valkyrie said and gave him her puppy eyes.

"Fine. One drink. But don't go expecting me to get drunk."

Valkyrie laughed and passed him the drink. "Drink up!"

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**(4 drinks later)**

"Remember, I'm not drunk at alllll." Skulduggery said, slurring his words.

"No, of course not." Ghastly said while giggling at a very high pitch.

Anton looked on at them and shook his head sadly at them. _I knew this would happen, everyone is drunk and now_ I'm _the designated driver. Figures._

"I want to go dance," Valkyrie said in a whiny tone and stomped her foot, almost breaking an ankle while at it. "Do any of you lovely boys want to come with me?" She said suggestively.

Ravel, Dexter and Saracen shot up straight away. "We'll come," they said in unison.

"Then lets goooo…" Valkyrie said to them while winking then turned around and sauntered to the dance floor, the men following her.

Valkyrie started dancing with them all, and they danced with her.

"I've got an idea!" Valkyrie said and stepped up on the raised stage, giving them all a flash of her underwear while she was at it. She stood up and started dancing suggestively and somewhat slutty, perfectly in time with the music. She gathered a large crowd around her cheering her on, all of which consisted of men.

"Yeah baby! Move that ass!" A stranger said to Valkyrie.

"Hey cutie! Let me buy you a drink!" Another man yelled to her.

After a while of dancing in the spotlight, lots of wolf whistles and lots of offers of drinks, Valkyrie hopped back down, completely exhausted.

"Val, you looked so hot up there!" Ravel said as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

Valkyrie laughed and laughed even harder when she saw Skulduggery heading towards them, barely able to walk in a straight line.

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(Skulduggery's POV)

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said drunkenly when he reached them. "I just wanted to say you look very pretty tonight." He giggled and reached in for a hug, while Valkyrie awkwardly patted his back.

"Skulduggery, you should probably sit down. You've had one to many." Ravel said to him.

"I'm not drunk!" Skulduggery said exasperated.

"Come on Skul, we'll come sit down with you as well." Ravel said and grabbed Valkyries hand, leading her back to the table.

Skulduggery slowly followed, frowning at Ravel and Valkyrie. He sat back down at the table after getting himself some water, in an attempt to sober up. When he looked back up, he choked on his water when he saw the sight in front of him.

Valkyrie had straddled Ravels lap, and the two were passionately making out. Valkyrie was running her fingers through Ravels hair while he had both hands around her waist. Saracen and Dexter were looking on jealously, while Ghastly and Anton were looking anywhere but.

Skulduggery got up furiously and walked around the table towards them. He pulled Valkyrie off Ravels lap and onto the table.

"Skulduggery!" Valkyrie yelled at him but he ignored her. Skulduggery threw a lousy punch at Ravel who easily dodged it, then went to punch Skulduggery. Immediately Anton, Dexter, Saracen and Ghastly were there, holding them apart.

"What do you say we head back? It is already 12:30." Anton said.

Everyone murmured or grunted their agreement and started to head out the door.

"You know what; I have a feeling _none _of us are going to remember what happened this night in the morning." Valkyrie said, not knowing at the time just how true that was.

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**Please review what you think!**

**~ Kali Necrosis**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone!**

**Okay I am so so sorry for not updating in ages, my old laptop locked me out, school has started again and my new laptop is being a bitch -_-**

**Just quickly:**

**JellyfishSisters: planning on Valkyrie going through nearly all of them and then I'll end up on one final couple, and you'll just have to see who that is ;)**

**The Skeleton In A Fez: Nice to put a name to an author (:**

**China sorrows 400: Valkyrie is legit the opposite of a sensible drunk, as you'll see after what she did that night ;)**

**Here is the next chapter, I'll be trying to update every week, maybe less or maybe more. **

**Please review, tips, thoughts and requests are welcome xx **

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**Chapter 5**

Valkyrie woke up, rubbing her eyes and stretching her arms, and froze when she made contact with someone. She looked over and saw Ravel lying in her bed.

"Erskine, Erskine get up." Valkyrie whispered while tapping him on the shoulder. He opened his eyes and looked at her with confusion, then his eyes widened as he looked down at her.

Valkyrie noticed and looked down at herself, then shrieked when she saw she was naked and quickly covered herself up with the blanket.

Ravel looked down at himself as well, noting his naked body and Valkyrie eyes widened in realisation at what probably happened.

"Don't worry Val, I'm sure we um, didn't do that last ni-" Ravel began but was cut off by Valkyrie.

"Look. On. The. Floor." Valkyrie said and Ravel turned around and looked.

"Oh fuck." Ravel said as he saw the used and discarded condom lying on the floor. He turned back at Valkyrie who was looking very uncomfortable.

"What the HELL happened last night?"

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After a few minutes of silence and figuration Ravel got up and sat on the edge of the bed, groaning with his head in his hands.

"How much did we drink? My head is killing me," He said and slowly got up out of bed, still completely naked.

"Umm Ravel? You might want to cover yourself?" Valkyrie suggested and tried to avert her eyes from his toned body.

"Why should I? If you got the body might as well work it." He said with a wink and walked out the door. He popped his head back in five seconds later and looked at Valkyrie, who was still in her bed.

"By the way, you've got a fantaaastic body Val." Ravel said and dodged the pillow that was thrown at him, and then he exited the room.

Valkyrie got up and shut the door into her room. She headed into the bathroom, eager to get in the shower. Valkyrie turned the shower on full pelt and sighed as she stepped in, feeling the hot water run down her. She began to think about last night.

_Okay, let's go through what I know about last night:_

_1.__I had a LOT to drink._

_2.__I had sex with Ravel._

_3.__One of us remembered to use a condom so thankfully, I'm not pregnant._

_4.__Skulduggery is going to kill me_

Valkyrie groaned as she remembered what Skulduggery specifically told her before they all went to the club; …_"Either Saracen or Ravel are going to try to seduce you sooner or later… they will leave you straight after"…_

_Well, turns out Skulduggery was right about something, though why'd it have to be this? And do Erskine and I have something now, or do I just act like nothing happened?_

Valkyrie sighed and turned off the water, wrapping her body in a fluffy towel. She quickly put on her protective clothing, then put her hair up into a loose ponytail and began to walk down into the kitchen.

Valkyrie waved to all the men sitting at the kitchen table then headed over to the coffee machine. She stopped and groaned in pain. "Does anyone else have a killer headache from last night?" She asked then laughed when Saracen, Dexter, Skulduggery and Ravel all put up their hand.

"Talking about last night, that's something we ALL need to have a talk about." Skulduggery said and Valkyrie sighed.

"There's not much to talk about is there?" Valkyrie said.

"Just grab your coffee and sit down."

Valkyrie sat and looked at Skulduggery expectantly, who in turn began to speak.

"Okay. So as you all know, last night we all drank way too much. We acted inappropriately, and that resulted in some people having an um, eventful night." Skulduggery said and looked at Valkyrie and Ravel, who looked down embarrassed. "Talking about eventful nights, isn't there something you had to say to Valkyrie, Ravel?"

Ravel looked up and turned to Valkyrie. "Yes. Val, I'm sorry for seducing you and stealing your innocence."

Valkyrie laughed and pffted at him. "Innocence? What are you talking about? I haven't got _any _of that left."

"Well, I meant the innocence of, you know, your virginity…" Ravel said awkwardly.

Valkyrie laughed while the others looked at her confused. "My virginity?" Valkyrie said in between laughs. "You think you took my virginity?" Valkyrie said to Ravel and began laughing again.

"Well, yes. We all thought you were a virgin?" Ravel said and the others nodded in agreement.

"Baby, I lost my virginity a looooooooong time." Valkyrie said and patted Ravel on the shoulder.

Ghastly and Anton looked very awkward at that moment, Saracen, Dexter and Ravel were confused, while Skulduggery was mad.

"Who the HELL did you do that with?" Skulduggery said madly. "Was it with Fletcher, because I swear to God I will shoot him if it was!"

"First of all, what's it to you? I can have sex when I want and with whom I want and it shouldn't concern any of you. Second of all, can we forget about this? Erskine and I were drunk, so it didn't mean anything. This conversation has turned very awkward, not just for me, but for everyone." Valkyrie said and stood up, grabbing her empty coffee cup.

Everyone except Ravel and Skulduggery murmured there agreement. Ravel looked down at his hands sadly while Skulduggery sat there with his arms crossed, clearly still mad about what had come up.

"Anyways," Anton said trying to steer the conversation away from Valkyrie and her virginity, "Talking about Fletcher, has anyone heard from him or seen him in a while?"

Valkyrie shook her head. "I haven't, last I heard from him he was on his way to London."

"Oh yes. About Fletcher. I got a phone call from the English Sanctuary the other day concerning him. I guess I forgot to tell you…" Ravel said and copped a glare from everyone else. "What? I'm pretty forgetful." He said defensively.

"What did they say? Is he alright? Is he hurt?" Valkyrie said worriedly.

"Well, they told me he was in their gaol after attempting to steal an item from their Repository, They sounded pretty pissed, but after some negotiation they said I could come down and collect him."

"Only Fletcher could do that," Valkyrie said and sighed.

"What did he try to steal?" Ghastly asked.

"They didn't say, but they did make it clear that it was something stupid.

"Only Fletcher would attempt to steal something stupid." Valkyrie sighed and shook her head in mock sadness.

"Only Fletcher would _attempt _to steal something. We'd get away with it." Skulduggery said and Valkyrie laughed in agreement.

"Are we all going to go?" Saracen asked.

"Yeah I guess so, it can a little holiday for us." Ghastly said.

"But what about the case Mr Bliss gave us?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery.

"It can wait," Skulduggery said and shrugged.

"So I guess we're going to London?" Valkyrie said.

Skulduggery nodded. "We're going to London."

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**What an eventful morning! Do you ship Ravel x Valkyrie? **

**Also write in a review what you think Fletcher stole! I've already pretty much got an idea of what it is, but if I like one of the suggestions so much I'll make that the item he stole! (no offense to you all if I don't pick one, I'm pretty happy with the one I came up with ;)… )**

**Hope you liked it! Please review!**

**~ Kali Necrosis**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys!**

**Sorry for taking longer than usual, been bogged down with homework and sport and etc etc. I did an extra, extra long one to make up for it**

**Response to reviews:**

**China sorrows 400: yep, so I was thinking that I would bring it in later in my story. I'm planning on the fanfic being really long and at the moment I won't it to be focussed on Valkyrie and her relationships with the others but later on I want Tanith to be there as well because I love Ghanith and I love the relationship that Valkyrie and her have (:**

**JellyfishSisters: well I have soup spoon, and I'm not afraid to use it so game on ;)**

**Deadgirl19: hahah that's soo good, I'll include them both in the next chapter, thanks for suggesting (:**

**thatGuy: I'll put that suggestion in the chapter as well, and I'll make Fletcher recount their convo (:**

**Also thanks to EVERYONE who reviews, you have no idea how much it means to me that there are people out there from all over the world, reading my story and enjoying it. It actually is so weird yet so cool that I have people from the UK, Germany, United States, Malaysia, Ireland, Spain, India, Australia, Singapore, Korea, China and Europe reading this (I'm from Melbourne, Australia btw)! I love each and every one of you for taking the time to read this story xxx**

**Remember to put in what you think Fletcher stole, it can be a random suggestion, a funny suggestion, or a really smart one, I don't mind!**

**Please review if you get the chance, tips, requests and thoughts are all welcomed xx**

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**Chapter 6**

"Valkyrie! Are you nearly packed?" Skulduggery yelled up the stairs.

The rest of the crew were standing near the door, small suitcases packed, dressed and ready to leave.

"I'm coming! Jeez, don't get your trousers in a twist." Valkyrie yelled back and a thump was heard soon after.

"Valkyrie…Are you okay?!" Skulduggery asked as he ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. When he walked into the room, he was not that surprised to see Valkyrie lying on a heap on the floor, her oversized, near exploding suitcase on top of her.

"How much stuff do you NEED?" Skulduggery said incredulously.

"Rather be safe than sorry, you never know what could pop up and I don't want to be the one that's unprepared." Valkyrie said, her voice muffled by the suitcase. "Anyways, fancy giving me a hand? I'm kind of struggling to breathe here…"

With a sigh, Skulduggery lifted up the suitcase easily and placed it on her bed. He then opened it up, sighing yet again when he saw the exceeding amounts of clothing that was bursting from her case.

"You don't need half of this junk. You've got your protective clothing, you'll need two casual outfits, casual shoes, formal outfit in case, toiletries and you're done." Skulduggery said, while taking out and folding the items Valkyrie wouldn't need. "Besides, we are only going for two days."

Valkyrie huffed and put away the excess clothes. "Fine, but if I need something and it turns out I left it at home, I'm blaming you Skulduggery."

"I know." Skulduggery said and began to carry the suitcase downstairs for her, even though it was 4 times lighter.

"You finally ready Val?" Ghastly asked Valkyrie as she walked, to the door, her suitcase rolling behind her. "I mean, the plane leaves in 2 hours."

"Actually, we're catching a private plane to Oxford Private Airport, which means we can skip customs and all that nonsense and then some fellow mages will be taking us to London via private plane." Skulduggery said happily. "So we don't _actually _have to be on time as they are just going to have to wait for us."

"The quicker we get Fletcher and come back home, the happier I'll be. I don't want to be in London for too long." Saracen said, looking down at his feet.

"Bad memories there, huh Saracen?" Valkyrie asked him, laughing at his discomfort.

"No, just certain females I wish to avoid…" Saracen responded back.

"Let me guess, it went like this: you seduced them, you bedded them annnnd wait for it, you left them." Valkyrie said. Saracens reputation was well known.

"Pretty much so," Saracen said guiltily.

The group sighed at Saracen while Valkyrie patted him on the shoulder. "Maybe one day you'll learn." She said and walked out of the door, the rest following her out the van.

The group got in, luggage out the back of the van with Valkyrie, Dexter, Saracen and Ravel while Skulduggery and Anton sat in the front, with Ghastly driving. The engine started and the tires squelched in the mud, and they were off the airport.

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After a short trip - consisting of luggage being thrown all over the back of the van while Valkyrie, Dexter, Saracen and Ravel struggled to dodge it - the group arrived at Dublin Airport. Ghastly pulled neatly into a car park at Short-term Parking and the rest soon got out, hauling their luggage out of the van.

"Does anyone else get that super excited feeling when going to the airport or is it just me?" Valkyrie asked, speeding up as they neared the doors.

"Nope. It's just you Val." Skulduggery said, his small carry-on bag trailing behind him. He only used a small bag, all he needed was a couple spare suits, shoes and a selection of hats. "I've been on so many planes; the thrill of flying has long since left me. Unless of course, I'm flying by my own control, manipulating the air to make me fly in which case, yes, I do get excited."

Valkyrie sighed. She wasn't asking Skulduggery to go on a rant, but of course, he did. Like usual.

Dexter elbowed Valkyrie in the ribs. "Don't worry; I get that feeling as well. Never truly leaves you I guess."

"But the only reason you still have that feeling Dexter is because you _are _still a kid at heart." Anton said and Dexter chuckled.

"Yeah. I know."

They entered the doors and immediately the cold air of the airport hit them, whilst the feeling of energy and excitement grew.

"I do believe from my past experience that the private section of the airport is down the far end?" Skulduggery stated, pointing towards their right.

"Yes, but we have to go through customs to get there." Ghastly said, pointing straight ahead.

Skulduggery shrugged and walked straight ahead, obvious that he hated being wrong. The rest followed while Valkyrie huffed.

"I thought you said we got to SKIP all the boring stuff!" Valkyrie said in a whiny tone.

"I did, but, that's for when we arrive in London. For now, we get to do all that boring stuff." Skulduggery replied, looking at her from over his shoulder.

After going through a security check with only Ghastly being pulled over for a random search for bombs, because apparently he was 'suspicious looking', the group joined the line to go through customs.

"Does your passport even match the face you're façade has given you at the moment?" Ravel asked Skulduggery as they neared the front of the line.

"Fortunately, it does as one of the sigils engraved in me gives me this certain face, so whenever I need to show a form of identification, in this case, a passport, my façade will match the picture." Skulduggery replied.

"Well that's smart," Ravel said as he went to hand over his passport to the official behind the desk, who then proceeded to compare his face to the picture on the passport, check his documents, and waved him through.

The rest of the group went in turn, having no problems, though the official did frown at Skulduggery's picture for a minute before waving him through.

"Okay so now we've done all that official stuff, can we head down to the private, prestigious part of the airport?" Valkyrie asked the group.

"You really hate doing nothing don't you?" Anton asked her.

"Only slightly. So, we going?" Valkyrie said and before she had even finished her sentence was walking away.

"I rest my case," Anton said with a sigh and began to follow Valkyrie.

Skulduggery quickly caught up to Valkyrie and slowed his pace so he could talk to her.

"How's things with you and Ravel?" Skulduggery asked her.

"Not sure honestly. He's kind of pretending nothing's happened but then again he keeps shooting me all these suggestive looks." Valkyrie replied.

"By the way, who was the man who you first did it with? Please tell me it wasn't Fletcher."

"No of course it wasn't Fletcher, though I don't see how it relevant to you at Skul."

"Well, as your temporary guardian I believe I have the right to know who I should be protecting my partner from."

"Skulduggery, I'm 24. I don't NEED a guardian. I need a partner, which is you. And if I tell you, you promise to give it a rest after that?"

"I cross my non-existent heart."

"Fine. You remember that detective at the French Sanctuary?" Valkyrie asked Skulduggery.

"Oh Lord please tell me it wasn't him."

Valkyrie bit her lip and nodded happily.

"But why? I almost would've preferred Fletcher. That guy was terrible at being a detective and hiding his feeling for you."

"Maybe, but he wasn't terrible at all things." Valkyrie said with a wink.

"I'm never going to look at you the same, you know that right?" Skulduggery said in disgust.

"Maybe so, but I'm still can't believe you thought that me, a stunning **24 **year old girl, hadn't even done the dirty with anyone yet!"

"I know, I should've realised." Skulduggery said sadly.

"Not that good of a detective are you huh Skul?" Valkyrie said smugly.

"Oh shut up Valkyrie."

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By the time Skulduggery had finished their whole deep and awkward conversation, they had walked the distance to the private area of the airport and approached the desks and walkway separating the two.

"Skulduggery Pleasant and co to fly to London?" Skulduggery asked the man at the desk.

The man typed something into his computer and nodded.

"Yep, leaving in 20 minutes?" The man asked back.

"That's the one."

"Okay, can I first see the records allowing you to use this plane? We require a signature from the owner, in this case being Gordon Edgley, to allow access onto the plane." The man said.

"Yes, but Gordon is actually dead and passed the plane onto ME so I figured you could just see my signature?" Valkyrie asked the man, starting to get impatient.

"Of course, can I see the will or documents stating that you are the next owner? And some identification of you please." The man said and returned to his computer.

Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery, "Do we have a will or anything?" Skulduggery shook his head. "So what do we do?"

"I'm afraid, we're going to have to go with the dreaded plan B." Skulduggery said quietly so only Valkyrie could hear.

Valkyrie sighed, unbuttoned some buttons to reveal her cleavage and untied her hair. She cleared her throat and then looked at the man behind the desks name tag, which read 'Mark'. Mark then turned over to look at her and widened his eyes, looking down at her chest area. Valkyrie leaned in and dropped her voice a bit. "Listen, Mark." Valkyrie said while twirling a piece of her hair. "I would really, really appreciate it if you could just let us through. Can you pretty please do that for me?"

Mark quickly nodded, waving them though the gate.

Valkyrie lent forward and gave him a peck on the lips. "Thank you for doing that for me Mark." She said and walked off, leaving Mark standing there, looking at her longingly.

Valkyrie caught up to the rest of the group who all, but Skulduggery, were staring at her. Valkyrie quickly did up her buttons and fixed her hair then shrugged at them. "What? It works every time." She said with a wink.

"Was the kiss really necessary Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked her condescendingly.

"Sure it was. Mark wasn't that bad looking I must admit." Valkyrie replied back.

"But now he's completely smitten with you," Skulduggery said.

"Well he can join the lines of people who are." Valkyrie said with a shrug.

Skulduggery sighed and shook his head. "That ego of yours."

"My ego is non-existent. Yours is too dominant."

"I know, but my point still stands."

The group existed the doors and walked onto the tarmac when they were quickly approached by a man in high visibility clothing, who then led them to Gordon's private jet. A stewardess was waiting at the top of the stairs, greeting them onto the plane.

"Welcome to the private jet. My name is Sasha, and I will be your stewardess for this flight." The stewardess said and led them onto the private jet.

"Damnnnn. Gordon sure has one nice plane!" Valkyrie said.

The group nodded in agreement, all eyes widened at the luxuriousness of the plane. The carpets were cream, the walls were white and the furniture was a black leather. The chairs reclined and there was coffee tables and foot rester, a full bathroom and a kitchen.

"I think this is going to be a good flight." Dexter said as he put his luggage overhead then plopped himself onto a chair, the others doing the same.

"May I serve you any drinks?" Sasha asked them after they had settled down into their seats. The leather chairs were in groups of two, so Skulduggery and Valkyrie were sitting together, Ghastly and Anton, Dexter and Saracen while Erskine had taken two chairs to himself and was nodding off to sleep.

Valkyrie asked for a Coke, Ghastly and Anton got some water, Dexter and Saracen got a beer, Skulduggery politely declined and Ravel was already asleep.

"I'll bring them out once we're up in the air." Sasha said with a smile and walked behind the curtain separating the kitchen and cockpit from the cabin.

"This is your pilot speaking, welcome to Air Gordon and I hope you enjoy the quick flight to London. It will only be about hour and fifteen minute flight. Please all take a seat and put your seat belts on, as we are about to start the take-off."

The group fastened their seatbelts and Valkyrie looked out the window, face pressed against it like an excited young child.

"This is the best part!" Valkyrie squealed in delight as the plane's engines started.

"It's just a plane Val." Skulduggery said, folding the newspaper the Sasha had given to him.

"How are you not excited? We're sitting in a chair which is about to defy gravity and fly through the air!"

Skulduggery sighed at her. "Like I told you before, the thrill of flying in planes has long since left me."

The plane turned onto the runway and the inside shook as the engines sped up. Valkyrie gripped the edge of the seat while Skulduggery sat there looking bored.

All of a sudden the plane shot of, speeding down the runway at a scary speed. Everyone's – even Skulduggery's non-existent - stomachs lurched forward as the plane began to start its ascent, having a steady climb into the sky.

After a few minutes of the plane going up, the seatbelt sign went off and the air stewardess arrived with their drinks, which they all gratefully accepted. It was hard work sitting in a chair doing nothing.

"Did your stomach do that lurching feeling Skul?" Valkyrie asked.

"Valkyrie. I don't _have _a stomach."

"I know, but still?"

Skulduggery sighed. "Yes Valkyrie, the air in the space where my stomach should be did lurch forward."

"So while you may not admit it you were a teensy tiny bit excited when the plane took off?" Valkyrie asked him.

"Fine. But I guess everyone's does." Skulduggery said in defeat.

Valkyrie smiled in triumph while Skulduggery leaned back in his chair. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be meditating." Skulduggery said and put his hat over his eye sockets.

Valkyrie sighed in boredom. Erskine was sleeping, Skulduggery was meditating, Ghastly was reading the newspaper and Anton was reading a big book of some sort. Valkyrie looked over to Saracen and Dexter, who had moved spots over to two couches which were facing each other with a coffee table in between and looked to be playing some sort of card game. She got up and headed over to them, sitting next to Dexter and opposite Saracen.

"Whatcha playing?" Valkyrie asked the two men.

"Well we were playing poker, but now that you're here we could play strip poker, if you're up to it." Saracen said in a suggestive, yet challenging voice.

Valkyrie scoffed. "Am _I _up for it? I think you should ask yourselves if _you're _up for it. I'm a boss at this game." Valkyrie said.

"Bring it on." Saracen said as he began to deal the cards out to Valkyrie, Dexter and himself. "And Valkyrie, I hope to be seeing a lot of you this game." Saracen said with a wink.

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When Skulduggery 'woke up' from his meditating, he was certainly not expecting to see Dexter, Saracen and Valkyrie half naked. Valkyrie was parading around in her underwear with a beer in her hand, Dexter was in boxers and t-shirt while Saracen was about to take off his pants, which would leave him in just boxers.

"Come on Saracen! Off they go!" Valkyrie said in an excited voice as she stumbled across towards him.

"Valkyrie, you have to take off your bra though." Dexter slurred as he stared at her, also with a drink in his hand.

Just as Valkyrie was about to unclasp her bra, Skulduggery ran over and stopped at her. "Valkyrie! What do you think you're doing?" Skulduggery said in disbelief.

"What do you think silly?!" Valkyrie said as she smacked away Skulduggery's arm. "Playing strip poker _obviously." _Valkyrie then proceeded to unclasp her bra while Dexter and Saracen's eyes had widened in anticipation. Just before anyone could see anything, Skulduggery had thrown his jacket over her, just in the nick of time.

"Really Skul?" Saracen said in disappointment.

"You always have had the worst timing." Dexter muttered in annoyance.

"Valkyrie. Go get dressed, sober up and by the time this plane lands you and _better _be ready and presentable." Skulduggery said in a threatening voice.

Valkyrie looked down sheepishly at her feet. "Yes Skulduggery," she said then gathered her clothes and went to the bathroom.

"And as for you two, you need to grow up. Valkyrie is 24 years old, you two are _over_ 400 years old. I'm not saying at all you can't have a relationship with Valkyrie, but you better darn well treat her with some respect, not just use her for her body. That goes for ALL of you." Skulduggery said while looking at Saracen, Dexter and Erskine.

"Yes Skulduggery." The men all said in unison and stared awkwardly at the floor.

"Good. Now as for you Anton and Ghastly, why didn't you stop them?" Skulduggery asked them.

"I escaped to the cockpit and Ghastly was meditating. Otherwise, trust me, we would've stopped that behaviour straight away." Anton said firmly.

Skulduggery sighed, "Sometimes, I think that they all have the mentality and maturity of a bunch of hormonal-driven teenagers."

"Sometimes? More like 99% of the time." Anton said in agreement.

Valkyrie walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed, hair redone and face clean and awake. She walked and sat down in her chair, pressing the button for Sasha's attention. Valkyrie then asked for some water and painkillers for the headache which she was trying so hard to hide.

As Sasha came back with the water and tablets, Skulduggery went and sat back down next to her.

"How are you feeling?" Skulduggery asked sympathetically.

"Would you kill me if I said terrible?" Valkyrie said groggily as she swallowed the tablets.

"No. I wasn't expecting you to even sober up this quick. That's got to be a record."

"Yeah well, you were really scary when you told me to sober up."

"Sorry. You deserved it though."

"Yeah I know." Valkyrie said in defeat. "By the way, thank you for covering me up before." She said and her face reddened.

"It's okay, I can't even imagine what would've happened if I hadn't though…" Skulduggery said.

"Me neither," Valkyrie said and leaned her head against the window. "How far away are we?"

"Nearly there. 5 minutes at most." Skulduggery replied.

Just as Skulduggery finished saying that, the pilot's voice came on the loudspeaker, asking them to sit down and put their seat belts on as they would soon be arriving. Sasha came around and collected their rubbish and walked behind the curtain, just as the plane began to descend. Valkyrie gripped the arm rests yet again as they were about to land, but relaxed when they landed smoothly.

The private jet began to slow down and ease to a stop awhen the pilot's voice came overhead again.

"Ladies and gentleman, it's been a delight to have you fly with us. Welcome to London."

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**Okay, so that was by faaaar the longest I've done. It took me two weeks to write so I guess you deserved the long one right?**

**Remember to write in a review what you think Fletcher stole, I really want to hear everyone's idea.**

**Hope you liked it, please review with thoughts!**

**~ Kali Necrosis **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys**

**So I guess I kinda owe you all a bit of an apology for the nearly two year wait…**

**I'd decided to discontinue this story originally as was running out of time and lacked motivation to even begin writing again but was rereading the story and the reviews at 1am and had a strange desire to continue this story not only for my readers, but for the joy it brought me.**

**It will continue to be heading in the same direction, however my writing style may have inevitably changed due to the long break between chapters.**

**I honestly cannot say how often I will be updating, will depend on motivation/schedule etc. but I'll do it as often as possible.**

**Nevertheless, thank you to all who have continued to read and review and hopefully I don't disappear for another two years ;) **

**Oh yeah fyi sorry about the change in authors name just wasn't feeling the old one anymore and Kali Necrosis just sounds so much cooler**

**Please review, tips, thoughts and requests are welcome xx **

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**Chapter 7**

Valkyrie stepped off the plane and stretched her arms, arching her back with a yawn.

"Bloody hell, kinda sad I'm so sore and cramped after a short flight like that." She complained with a sigh.

"Should've told me sooner," Dexter remarked as he brushed past her. "I know of some certain activities that definitely would have loosened you up." He added as he turned around and gave her a wink.

Dexter however, seemed to momentarily forget that the plane was raised off the ground and in order to descend, he would need to actually go down the stairs.

"Um Dexter you may wanna turn arou-", Valkyrie began but was cut off as he proceeded to not so gracefully fall down the short flight of stairs, landing with a thump on the tarmac of the runway.

Valkyrie sighed and walked down the stairs, stepping over a groaning Dexter before bending down and leaning into his ear.

"Shame you're now already sore and exhausted, was waiting for that to occur later tonight, only after you and I had had some fun." Valkyrie whispered seductively in his ear.

Dexter shot up, momentarily and conveniently forgetting about all the pain he was in.

"Valkyrie wait a minu-" Dexter started, but he was too late, Valkyrie had already sauntered over to a waiting Skulduggery, Anton and Ghastly; all who were staring at her expectantly.

"Mind informing us what on earth that whole fiasco was about?" Skulduggery asked as he tilted his head to the side.

Valkyrie shrugged and laughed, "Just classic clumsy Dexter, too distracted to see what's really happening."

Skulduggery stared at her inquisitively, "And what did you say to him that made him get up so quickly, regardless that he had just fallen down a flight of stairs?"

"Well isn't someone feeling a bit probing today, Skul I know I'm super interesting and all but not everything I say should be that fascinating." Valkyrie stated as they continued towards the terminal. She glanced back to Dexter, who having been helped off the floor by Saracen and Erskine were beginning to speed walk in an attempt to catch up to the rest of the group.

The Dead Men entered the doors of the building where they were promptly greeted by an airport official.

"Hello everyone, welcome to the incredible Heathrow Airport!" The man announced in a joyous tone. "My name is Jonathan and not only will I be personally escorting you through the airport this lovely afternoon, but I will also be here to provide any assistance at all with baggage retrieval or any other misdemeanours you may be having!"

Valkyrie leaned over to Skulduggery and muttered in his ear, "How many times do you think this guy has said that over-rehearsed speech, and what are the bets I can break him by the time we leave?"

"Pfft, there is no way even you could make this man have a breakdown. Though he is getting quite annoying so I won't object if you attempt it." Skulduggery said as he shook his head, whilst the group listened to Jonathon ramble on about his credentials, his experience, his past jobs and anything else he could possibly boast about himself in his introduction.

"Wanna make a bet?" Valkyrie said with a smirk on her face.

Skulduggery chuckled and replied, "If you make him break down by the time we leave, after we get Fletcher I'll personally supply $250 worth of alcohol for the group tonight and not once express any distaste towards your drunken behaviour for the evening."

"Sorry Skul but bets only on if as well as all that, you take ten shots and get soooooo drunk." Valkyrie declared as the group began to follow Jonathon through the airport.

Skulduggery sighed, "It's a deal, but Jonathon's breakdown better be the equivalent of a midlife crisis."

Erskine, having listened to this whole conversation leaned in towards both of them and whispered, "Sorry Skulduggery, but you never specified Val couldn't have any assistance and Dexter, Saracen and I rather like the sound of free alcohol."

Saracen proceeded to walk up behind Jonathon and wrap an arm around his waist. Jonathon glanced at him uncomfortably and tried to move away, but Saracen held him even tighter.

"Now Jonathon, I know this may came across as a bit well, forward, but boy could I not help staring at you before. It was rather hard to look away if I'm going to be quite honest with you." Saracen began as he started to lower his hand to the small of Jonathon's back.

"You see, I'm usually not this confident towards expressing my feelings, but I thought a flamboyant fellow such as yourself may even share such feelings." He said as he leaned in to Jonathon's ear.

"I won't tell if you won't." Saracen said suggestively as he leaned in to kiss him.

Jonathan, having realised what was happening, jumped away as he threw Saracens arm off of him.

"Sir! I am not sure where you got the idea that I was gay, but I can quite firmly assure you that I am strictly attracted to females!" Jonathon replied with an irritated look on his face.

"But how will you ever know if you never try?" Saracen countered as he ran a finger down Jonathon's cheek.

Jonathon battered his finger away and began to walk ahead of the group, a furious look on his face. Saracen laughed and headed back to the rest of the group.

Valkyrie applauded him as she laughed. "Well at this rate, I'd start preparing to fork out that $250 if I was you Skul." She said with a pat on Skulduggery's back.

The group followed Jonathon towards the direction of the baggage carousel and as it appeared into sight, Erskine ran past everyone, knocked over Jonathon, continued to run full speed whilst bumping into random people left right and centre until he reached his destination.

Jonathon got up from the floor with a huff, began to brush himself down when his face whitened at what he was witnessing in front of him.

Erskine had leaped on top of the baggage carousel, pretending to surface on top of a suitcase. When he inevitably fell off the suitcase, he began using the suitcases as substitute hurdles.

It was quite obvious that Erskine was never quite the athlete in his high school years, as he was just managing to skim over the top of the suitcases, with multiple close calls.

Jonathon began marching over to the luggage carousel, white in the face and with his fists screwed up on his sides. "Sir if you do not begin to make your way off of the carousal, security will be called and I assure you that they will not be overly happy with this scene." He said with a huff.

Erskine didn't respond to him, but simply turned, grinned and waved at a frustrated Jonathon. This momentary distraction proved too much however for Erskine's little -if any- hurdling skills. With a girly scream, there was a huge thump as Erskine tripped over a suitcase and face planted on to the moving baggage carousel.

Expecting Erskine to get up immediately, look a tad embarrassed and then step off of the carousel, the Dead Men and Jonathon just stared at him, lying face down whilst moving around the carousel, and they did nothing to help.

It was only however when Erskine was still not moving and at the end of the carousel about to disappear behind the wall that they realised something was wrong.

Jonathon had abandoned the calm and slightly frustrated persona and began screaming for someone to grab him before he disappeared. The Dead Men ran towards Erskine, attempting to get to him but were too late. Erskine had vanished, continuing along the path of the baggage carousel.

"Well…. I guess we're in a bit of a situation huh?" Valkyrie remarked.

"You think this is a BIT of a situation?!" Jonathon yelled at her in anger. "I am missing one of the people I was assigned to safely transport through the airport! How is that only a BIT of a situation?!"

"Does this count as a breakdown?" Valkyrie muttered under her breath to Skulduggery.

"Nope, sorry Valkyrie but no, this is not a breakdown. Yet." Skulduggery replied.

She sighed and walked with the rest of the group to the beginning of the carousel where hopefully Erskine would soon appear.

After a suspenseful five minute wait, mostly consisting of Jonathon muttering angry remarks, Erskine reappeared. Not looking quite the same, he was sitting cross-legged looking rather pleased with himself in an entirely different attire. Sporting a Hawaiian t-shirt with a lei around his neck, he got up and jumped off the carousel. He bowed to a furious Jonathon who stormed over to him.

"What on earth are you wearing?! And where did you get it from?!" Jonathon shouted to a smiling Erskine.

"Jeez I know orange isn't the most fantastic colour on me and I guess it is a couple sizes to big but God you ever heard of fashion?" Erskine said as he looked Jonathon up and down. "Well I guess you really answer that question without even speaking huh?" He remarked with a disapproving look. "Jeans and runners? Honey even I know that is the number one no-no of the fashion world." Erskine said as he attempted to flick his hair sassily.

Jonathon glared at him, too angry to even respond so instead decided to do the 'mature' thing, and storm off without a word.

After grabbing their luggage, the group began to follow Jonathon towards the exit of the airport.

"Well shit, he still hasn't had a full on breakdown and we're up to leave. We need a plan and we need one fast." Valkyrie said as she turned towards Saracen, Dexter and Erskine.

"This calls for no holding back." Dexter said as he ran over to Jonathon, his suitcase trailing behind him.

"Hey Jonathon! Wait up I need to ask you something!" Dexter yelled out to him.

Jonathon turned around with an exasperated sigh. "Yes?" He asked expectantly. "What are you bugging me about now?"

Dexter gave him a grin. "Well you see I've never been to England before and I was just wondering how cold it's going to be outside? Cause I just feel like I'm a bit too overdressed."

"Sir, I am sure you'll be fine in what you're currently wearing." Jonathon said tiredly.

"Hmmmm." Dexter said with a thoughtful look on his face and shrugged. "Well just to be sure I think I'm going to change into shorts and a t-shirt."

"Sir please don't, not only will you freeze but the closest toilets are back way before the baggage carousel." Jonathon remarked in a frustrated manner.

"Who said anything about changing in the toilets?" Dexter said with a wink as he opened his suitcase, took out a change of clothes and began to take off his clothes, much to the shock of the rest of the Dead Men and to the horror of Jonathon.

Standing in nothing but his boxers, Dexter laughed and began to get dressed. Jonathon was standing there in complete shock and embarrassment, and Valkyrie had the perfect idea to push him completely over the edge.

"Anton… I need you to do me a favour. When I 'pass out' convince Jonathon to give me CPR." Valkyrie whispered to him.

"Valkyrie, I'm sorry but I really don't think this is such a good idea." Anton said uncertainly.

"Please! He'll actually believe you because you're the sensible one that hasn't annoyed him once and I really, really, really want that free alcohol." Valkyrie said looking up at Anton desperately.

Anton nodded, giving in to Valkyrie's plan. Whilst everyone was preoccupied with a half-naked Dexter getting changed in the middle of the airport, Valkyrie slumped to the floor with a thud.

"Oh my god Valkyrie! Are you okay?" Skulduggery said as he rushed to her side.

Anton bent down and put his ear above her mouth, listening to her breathe. "She's not breathing! Someone help! Please Jonathon! Do you know CPR?" Anton asked looking down at Valkyrie worryingly.

Jonathon looked over in fear, "CPR? Are you sure she needs it?" He said with uncertainty.

Ghastly, having caught on to the plan, looked up at Jonathon. "Please Jonathon. You're our only hope."

Jonathon sighed and bent down next to Valkyrie. "Well, I mean I guess. It is my duty as your escort." He sighed and put his mouth over Valkyrie, breathing into her.

All of a sudden, Valkyrie wrapped her arms around Jonathon's neck and strategically changed the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation into a full on make out.

Jonathon's eyes widened in shock, when an angry voice sounded through the air.

"Jonathon! What do you think you are doing?!" The angry woman said as she stormed over towards the scene.

"You were meant to escort this group through the airport, but instead you're lying on the floor, _kissing _a young girl in the middle of the airport!"

Jonathon began to stutter, attempting to explain what had happened.

"You know what, I don't even want to listen to your excuses. After this stunt you've pulled, I have no choice but to fire you." The woman said as she crossed her arms.

Jonathon's face turned red in anger as he finally was pushed completely over the edge.

"Well you know what! You don't even need to bother to fire me! Cause I quit!" He shouted as his ripped off his lanyard with identification and threw it onto the floor.

"This job has been nothing but bullshit, the pay is horrible, the hours are detestable and the customers," He yelled whilst gesturing to the Dead Men, "Are nothing but rude, up-themselves, ungrateful, arrogant assholes!"

He turned and looked furiously at the group. "And as for you lot, don't expect me to help you find the exit to the airport because there is no way in hell I'm helping you ever again!"

Erskine looked up him questionably. "Um, you do realise the exit is right behind you?"

Jonathon looked at Erskine, glanced behind himself to the exit, then back to Erskine. "Well good for you!" He said awkwardly and sighed in defeat as he walked off, shoulders slouched and dragging his feet. The woman followed him, continuing to shout in anger at him.

"Well…" Skulduggery began as he looked at Valkyrie. "Guess it's not going to be a quiet night in anymore. I'll buy the alcohol for you later."

Valkyrie turned around and high-fived Saracen, Dexter, Erskine, Ghastly and Anton.

"Hell yeah you will!" She said triumphantly.

Skulduggery sighed at her. "But really Valkyrie, that's the second unnecessary kiss you've done at an airport and it's only been two hours…"

Valkyrie shrugged and smiled, "It worked, did it not? Plus I've always wanted to try what Harley Quinn did in Suicide Squad. I mean, what an absolute inspo."

The Dead Men finally exited the airport, after which Skulduggery turned to Saracen.

"So Saracen, you were in charge of transport. Where's our vehicle?"

Saracen looked up from his phone with a smile. "Coming around the corner, right now!"

The group looked up, as a huge black Hummer Limousine came into view.

"Saracen! You hired a Hummer Limo for our transport to the English Sanctuary! Are you kidding me?" Skulduggery said as he shook his head in exasperation.

"We literally left you in charge of one thing, you had one job Saracen." Ghastly said with a sigh.

Saracen nodded, looking quite pleased with himself. "That's not even the best part, it has a dance floor with a pole in the middle!" He said excitedly.

The Dead Men looked around at each other, knowing that whatever happened in the 90 minute trip to the Sanctuary, it was going to be memorable, and most likely disastrous.

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**Hope you guys enjoyed it! Sorry again for the super long wait!**

**Review with your thoughts xx**

**~ Kali Necrosis **


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